"With a little help from my friends"

Blimey! Talk 'bout wasting yer life. Monday night wa' a right ball ache. Got t'bed 'round 'alf four in t'morning as me an' Lady Muck decided t'play one o' them shite online games, an' truth be told, we gorra little bit addicted t'bleeder. So come Tuesday mornin' wekkin' up forra' certain someone's lecture became, well, impossible. 'Neway, after eventually gettin' up an' goin' t'JT's amusin' workshop (as always) a got 'ome, slipped into me saucy chef's apron an' rustled up some tea. Truth be told, Lady Muck actually contributed more t'meal than me. First time for everything though. It's all a seem t'bloody do though, friggin' cook.
Since it wa' Tuesday it's traditional custom t'venture t'Soar Point an' tek advantage o' cheap as chips drinks. So we did. A gev me bum chum Marky P Baby a ringa-linga-ding-dong an' waltzed down t'road an' took him by t'hand. Once there it wa' Stella by pint an' love by gallon. To me pleasant surprise a met a fellow class mate who enjoys his brews more than mesen. An' then it began, the same ol' debate 'tween three of us, Beatles Vs. Stones. Oh aye, it was classic songs an' classic artists from then on. No night would be complete wi'out a bit o' victory, so I'll proudly announce we won a whoppin' two squid on Trivial Pursuit. You try splitting that three ways in a hurry.
From then on it wa' goodbye t'Marky P Baby and me fellow class mate an' 'ello Lady Muck an' other class mates. Me night finally ended in Mosh where if a sed i wa' fooked, it would be an understatement. A vaguely remembering gettin' 'ome wi' t'help o' Lady Muck, who thankfully knew t'way. Then a collapsed in t'bed, (probably on toppa Lady Muck much to her disgust) an' everything wa' right as rain.

"Getting better"

Now we're talkin', think am gettin' t'grips with this malarky. Oh aye, full steam a'ead. Thought a may as well mek this a daily chore 'cause if a stop i'll only forget 'ow t'do it. Naff all t'say t'be 'onest 'bout today though. Gorrup around 'alf twelve. Like a good boy a went t'me workshop for Poetry an' Society, can't say it wa' a complete barrel o'laughs though. An' that wa' that. What a charmed life a lead. Once a wa' 'ome a med Lady Muck some grub since she's a complete spanna' when it comes to doin' owt useful. Wi' 'er 'appy as Larry on a stomach full o' food a thought a may as well get this o'er an' done wi' before tomorra's lecture, so a can at least pretend i've done summat.
'Neway, tomorra' should be betta' overall, me sexy bum chum Marky P Baby is back in town so i'll seize the opportunity to gerra drink wi' 'im in Soar Point after me lectures an' what not. Think i'll treat Lady Muck to some drinks an' all since she's ran outta' money, bless 'er. Mind you, a really aint got much neither, b'rate though. Sod it, tharral do, ta'ra.

"Something"

Christ on a bike! Like a don't 'ave naff all t'do as it is wi'out 'affin t'get t'grips wi' this tit twiddling technology too. Oh aye, this lad types 'ow he talks. Anyways, t'get to a point, a 'spose a should write summat worthwhile. But a can't think of owt interesting that any begger 'ud be interested in, if 'ad bin stood in middle of an earthquake or summat, then yeah, great story for the kids and a subject worth mentioning in t'pub wi' a pint in me 'and.
'Spose a may as well babble 'bout me day if am doin' this thing by the book. Got up 'round 'alf two, put me same jeans on for four years now, grabbed a brew and went t'shops. Spent a whoppin' twenty-six squid on food fit for a king. Then after carrying all the bloody stuff back, collapsed on t'bed and had an 'our or two wi' the missus (Lady Muck). Then to fast forrad, med some dinner, 'ad another brew, did a bit of work and that wa' that. Bob's yer uncle. Now am sat 'ere under t'watchful glare o' Lady Muck.
'Neway am bored now, so am gonna do one and cook some tea. G'night.