"Something"

Christ on a bike! Like a don't 'ave naff all t'do as it is wi'out 'affin t'get t'grips wi' this tit twiddling technology too. Oh aye, this lad types 'ow he talks. Anyways, t'get to a point, a 'spose a should write summat worthwhile. But a can't think of owt interesting that any begger 'ud be interested in, if 'ad bin stood in middle of an earthquake or summat, then yeah, great story for the kids and a subject worth mentioning in t'pub wi' a pint in me 'and.
'Spose a may as well babble 'bout me day if am doin' this thing by the book. Got up 'round 'alf two, put me same jeans on for four years now, grabbed a brew and went t'shops. Spent a whoppin' twenty-six squid on food fit for a king. Then after carrying all the bloody stuff back, collapsed on t'bed and had an 'our or two wi' the missus (Lady Muck). Then to fast forrad, med some dinner, 'ad another brew, did a bit of work and that wa' that. Bob's yer uncle. Now am sat 'ere under t'watchful glare o' Lady Muck.
'Neway am bored now, so am gonna do one and cook some tea. G'night.